I'm Not the One You Want, Babe
by lifeofapplepie
Summary: ...I'm not the one you need. / Lucas and Maya and why she loves him enough to let him go.


_"You say you're looking for someone who's never weak, but always strong...to protect you and defend you, whether you are right or wrong."_

Like he would ever pick her. Honestly.

She was really getting tired of this triangle thing. It was a joke, a laugh. It was drawn out and old and she just wished that he'd pick Riley already instead of letting her keep thinking they might have a chance together. She was tired of lying in bed all night, thinking about it, tired of Shawn and her mom asking her what was bothering her, tired of seeing Lucas' face whenever she looked at Riley...

The real question was _why_ he would ever pick her. It was Riley and Lucas. It was always Riley and Lucas, and always had been.

Never Lucas and Maya. From the moment she, yes she, pushed Riley into his lap, it was decided. The thought of Maya and Lucas was a distraction, an afterthought, a momentary consideration before he came to his senses. It was a Plan B, an alternate reality. And thankfully, that's the thing about alternate realities-they're not real, are they?

But the campfire was real, the voice in the back of her head tells her. She could still feel his hands on her cheeks. Could still picture that half-crazed look in his eyes, like he was daring himself to do something he'd never done before. She could still hear the fire cackling, the silence. She could still feel that fear, that secret excitement, that he might kiss her...

More strongly, she could still feel her stomach turn when she saw him on that bull.

Forgiven or not, she was still mad at him for that. She couldn't believe Lucas-Lucas the good, Lucas the honorable, Lucas the wise-would do something so idiotic. And that Riley would support him the whole way, with that determined enthusiasm on her face. She knew that she was just masking how scared she was too-but in a way that wouldn't hurt Lucas. In a way that gave him hope, hope to ride that bull and make it the four seconds and have someone who believed in him.

Because Riley would never hurt Lucas, not for all the money in the world, not for Pluto to become a planet again.

And maybe that's why he'll choose her, Maya thinks. Because Riley just cares about him that much.

And Maya...he'd just wanted Maya to stop yelling at him. That's all.

 _"You say you're looking for someone who will promise never to part...someone to close his eyes for you, someone to close his heart."_

Or maybe it's Josh.

Does Lucas even know Josh? Has Riley ever told him about Maya's one true everlasting love? But it doesn't even matter, does it? Because even with Lucas, there will always be Josh.

Maybe that's why he'll choose Riley, she thinks. Riley's always had Lucas-there wasn't anyone before, there hasn't been anyone since. And maybe there'll never be another one. But if Lucas chooses Maya-there's Josh.

Josh, who's cute and smart and kind and never made her feel like she was an annoying nuisance. Josh was like a big god in the sky, something you thought never noticed you until they looked at you...how could she just stop feeling that way about him? Stop feeling butterflies in her stomach and her cheeks going red? She could never do that.

Of course, how could she stop feeling this way about Lucas?

That answer was much simpler-she just would. With Lucas it would be easy.

(she hoped)

 _"You say you're looking for someone to pick you up each time you fall...to gather flowers constantly, and to come each time you call."_

And Riley would never stop feeling this way about Lucas.

She was so sure. She knew Riley better than she knew herself, and she knew that no matter how many times she called him her brother, no matter how many times they fought, she would always get that dreamy gazing look whenever she saw him, whenever he talked to her, whenever they gave each other those little smiles.

And maybe that's why he would choose Riley. Because she'd never leave him, never hate him, never let him hate himself, never let him stop believing in himself...

And Maya would call him Ranger Rick and Huckleberry and make fun of the way he talked because she just couldn't help herself, he was so damn easy to make fun of. Riley would never make fun of Lucas. Riley would never let him feel that way.

Sometimes, when she was lying in bed at night and was listening to the quiet like Lucas told her to, she wondered what would happen to Riley _if_ in that hypothetical, not real alternate reality, Lucas chose Maya.

The idea that Riley would just drop everything she felt and let Maya have him was impossible. Lucas was her one true everlasting love. Lucas took her one her first date. Lucas was her first kiss. Lucas was the guy who would take her to prom. The idea that Maya would take something like that from Riley, whether she'd done it on purpose or not, would kill Maya. It might even hurt her worse than Riley.

God, she could see it so clearly. She had no idea what Lucas would say to her if she chose her...but with Riley, it was crystal. She'd see him, and beam because she just couldn't help it, Lucas would give her that cheeky smile and look at the ground before he asked her to be his girlfriend...all after he'd told Maya that it wasn't her, it was him, but most importantly it was Riley. It had always been Riley. And that he hoped she understood.

But was hethinking about Riley at the campfire? That's the question she asked herself the most. Could he still hear the cackling fire, the silence, could he feel her cheeks, could he still see those scared, wide blue eyes looking back at him? Did he grab her face to get her to be quiet, or was there something in him that wanted to do more? Did he even think about that night at all?

(he did, but Maya would never let herself know that...)

And maybe that's why Lucas would choose Riley. Because Maya would never let him choose her.

 **Lyric credits go to Bob Dylan, "It Ain't Me Babe." I thought the song really reflected Lucas and Maya, and I hope you guys could see that. More importantly, I hope you guys liked it! Please, _please_ review and tell me what you think :).**


End file.
